*Before I weigh in*
You probably noticed that I posted a new little entry entitled "Getting Your Train On WEEK THREE". I will make a new entry like that each week. From now on, when you want to let me know that you have gotten a training day in, leave me a comment there and let me know the date the training occurred as well.
I spent some time going back through the training from the last two weeks and I double checked each entry and the standings are up to date.
*Back to weigh in*
Goal: Lose baby weight + 30 lbs
Achieved so far: Baby weight is gone!
Pre-pregnancy weight: 221.0
Weight last week: 202.8
Current weight: 198.0
Weight loss/gain since last week: -4.8
TOTAL WEIGHT LOST (not including baby weight): -23.0
*honesty alert (this may be all over the place)*
Here's the deal - I am depressed. Literally. I went to the doctor about two weeks ago after a rush of panic, anxiety, and helplessness left me drained physically, mentally, and emotionally. He told me that my PPD has come back with a vengeance. He said I was getting by thanks in large part to running, but when that got taken away it all returned.
I have been put on an anti-depressant. This will be the start of my third week. I am hoping to start seeing positive effects soon. It could take up to a month.
I should be shouting and jumping and celebrating about finally being under 200, but I know that my depression and my body's response to my medication are what is causing my current weight loss. Doesn't really make it all that great.
It has been very hard for me to blog and not tell you all about my depression. At first, it just wasn't the right time for me to open up. Then, I didn't want anyone to lose focus in their training. The longer I have blogged without talking about this, the more I feel like I am going back on my word about being honest. I hope you all understand that this situation is a little different.
I hinted last week that I have been struggling. That is especially true with this blog. I am torn. I want to be the great motivator I know that I am, but right now my mind and body don't seem to be in agreement with each other.
I feel like some of my entries lately are empty. That I am doing them because I feel I have to more than because I want to. I think part of that reason is because I didn't want to burden my readers with my struggles, especially after I spent all that time trying to gear everyone up for the training. I think now that I am back to 100% honesty blogging will come a bit easier. I hope anyway.
I am so happy that many of you have taken the challenge and are training for the 5k. I look forward to seeing you all and completing the race with you all. I guess I am just asking that you bear with me for a few more weeks until I get out of this funk. My entries may be short, or really, really long and unorganized. Either way, I care about you all and really want us all to succeed in July.
I know I will be OK eventually. I just need some time...
...and all of your continued support of course :)
I love you all.
*On another note*
I think I may hold of on the end of the blog challenges for a while. I would like the training to be the main focus for my readers for now. I hope that those of you who haven't started training yet would get off your bum! :)
7 comments:
You are amazing, don't let your body/mind tell you anything different. You're an incredible mother and great friend! You do not have to be the motivator all the time, let someone else take over for a while.
I am so proud that you are finally in the 100's. It may have something to do with the meds but who cares, its great! I was on anxiety medicine a couple years ago and I actually gained 20-30 pounds, so if this is helping you lose weight, than thats great!
We are always here to support you with anything you may need, I'd even be willing to drive down and babysit if you and Octavio wanted to go out! Anything, just ask.
Love you and keep your chin up, it will get better!
P.S. I forgot to tell you that I got my book this weekend and I am so into it! I read the first couple chapters and I love it. Thank you SO much!!!
Awe, Michelle, you brought tears to my eyes, first by being under 200, then your blog. I'll email you in a few......
Your so great, your going to get through this absolutely wonderfully! Keep an eye on all the good stuff in life and focus all your attention on that!
Congrats on finally reaching the 1 somethings! And congrats on being what we all love about you, open and honest. People can encourage Michelle, even through their struggles. It lets people know the human side of us. Good job...know I'm send lots of love, encouragement and especially prayers out.
hey Michelle.... Congrats on reaching ONEderland!!! I agree with Ashleigh, your medication may have helped with appetite but in the long run you are the one who chooses to eat good or bad or how much.
I also understand depression, while I have never had PPD I have dealt with depression for many, many years. I take medication for it and it does help but it does take time to get into your system. Just hang in there and you will notice an improvment. As always you are doing a great job and let me know if you need anything ..
Love ya Mechele
How I love you Michelle! You are the best motivator and no depression can take that a way from you! It is who you are and I am thankful to know you! Love you lots.
I am so proud of you, under that 200 mark and well under it you are on your way! PPD is such a bugger I went through it but luckily I got through it and you will too! Hang in there Im here for you Im always a phone call or email away!
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